Sometimes when I leave the nursing home, even though I don't even go that often, I'm just so relieved to be out of there and in the fresh air heading back to my own life. But then I feel bad about that because I know the person I have just been caring for can't leave - that is his life. And I think I should, I don't know, be more present? Enjoy spending time with him more? Be less eager to leave? And I think I should go more often, to give his other care-givers more of a break. And so there's a lot of guilt. So how do you deal with that?
i know *exactly* what you're talking about
hey englishsister - story of my life!
from my perspective, presence can be complete and total in one moment. So even if you're not there X amount of days or whatever, if you can be totally present in the moment while you are there, then you are being absolutely supportive. i don't know, i know this probably sounds kind of new age but having that perspective has helped me through the last couple of years.
also, i try to remember that at least in the case of my dad, he had a whole life before i was even born and that he's a sensitive and rational person who would *absolutely* understand why stepping out into the cool breeze on my way home feels good. it feels good to him to go out when it's nice out so when that's an option we bring him out.. i think it's totally natural to feel a sense of guilt because really, if you didn't - you wouldn't be completely human. it will probably always be present, but that really just means you're thoughtful and empathetic - good qualities to have overall but unfortunately probably result in some guilt along the way.
Thanks!
Thanks for the reply - it's good to remember that the guilt is part of being an empathetic human being, as you say. I try to also remind myself that the guilt isn't helping anyone - not me, not the person I am helping to care for, not his other family members...and that it's no one's fault that things have ended up this way.