My father has Alzheimer's and in the early days of it I thought he was just being really lazy and spiteful when he didn't do something he said he was going to do. My mother and father who are divorced were what made us think that, as that breakup was extremely bitter between the two, and it wasn't beneath either of them to be bad to each other.

We fought an awful lot. Screaming matches actually. You see my father was one of those smart people who was able to hide the fact he was ill.. He used notes to himself and just kept to himself.

He is also fiercely independent. So when he first got sick nobody noticed right away because he always kept to himself and was quiet. He was still talking at the time and getting older, so we played games with ourselves in our head.. "he is just being difficult like usual."

Even after I knew he was sick the adjustment from being the irresponsible, the youngest, no kids, can't take care of myself let alone someone else...etc.. to his primary care-giver.. I went through all the motions, did what I had to do to take care of him, but my mind didn't accept that he was ill. It was extremely frustrating to take care of him. I am very sad to say my temper got the better of me and I screamed at him several times. I don't feel good about it.

I am three years into caring for him now, only about 1 1/2 years ago did I actually (I knew this but didn't accept it) KNEW he was not getting better and he was really sick. Helpless. I never get angry anymore. My patience is much better too. It is impossibly hard to look at him and not remember that he is my father. The person who took care of me through thick and thin. The reversal of roles still feels very strange to me.